Dear Joy,

How are you on this lovely day? Did you not just looooveee the rain we had last night?

I hope you’re doing well. You’ve been on my mind lately. I’ve been thinking about how our relationship has changed over time.

It used to be that you would only come by when I was hanging out with other people. Laughing. Doing something silly. Exploring somewhere new.

"Joy and I" Collage by Jackie Schuld

Nowadays though, you come by when I’m by myself a lot. When I’m working on another art collage. Or writing an essay. Or slowly sipping my homemade iced coffee.

Last night we had a lot of fun together as I tried to do more dances with the “Just Dance App.” I was surprised at how hilarious it was to try some pretty ridiculous dance moves.

When I think about it deeply, I think you’ve probably always wanted to hang out with me when I was alone, I just didn’t want to.

I thought I “should” want to hang out with more people. As you know, I’ve always had a hard time with friends. While they can be great fun, I like them in small doses. That preference has also meant I don’t have a lot of friends. I guess I’ve always felt ashamed about that too. Like there was something wrong with me and that’s why I don’t have a lot of friends.

The truth is, I love time to myself. Many of the things that delight me bore others. You and I can have a great time writing an essay together, but I’m pretty sure another person in the room would be bored.

The way I do things can bother people too. You and I have a lovely time together on hikes. We like stopping to admire the little flowers or to just lie in the pine needles and absorb the smells and sounds. Remember that guy I dated who thought my constant stopping on hikes was annoying? He just wanted to reach the vista. I remember when he insisted we hike faster you ran away. It’s no surprise that relationship didn’t last.

So, as people come and go from my life, thanks for always being willing to hang out. Thanks for being a wonderful companion as I go about my primarily solitary life. You make life all the better and I’m glad we’re sharing it together.

With Love,

Jackie

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Thank you for reading. If you'd like to read more of my letters,

you can read ones I wrote to fear, inspiration, and peace.