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This is a letter in my series where I write letters to the emotions that show up in my life.
Dear Mercy,
Guess how I decided to write to you? I ran through emotions in my head that I hardly ever think about or use - and I finally thought of you.
Growing up in a Christian church, you were talked about a lot. They made it sound like you and God were besties.
I somehow didn’t hear it mentioned much in relation to the congregation though. You were something we could receive from God, but not something we gave much to others.
How does that make you feel? Do you feel like you were wrongfully passed about?
Oh wait, I just remembered that they did talk about you in relation to the poor. To the innocent victims.
But what about the guilty? Do you like to be in the presence of those who are actively harming others? Seems like you would have a hard time with that.
Furthermore, it’s easier to forgive when the harm is in the past. It’s harder to have you be present when the injustice is ongoing. Like how could you, me, and active problems hang out together?
How do you feel about teaming up with me? I think the people in church were doing the best they knew how. While I strongly disagree with much of what they taught, I think I could show compassion for their humanity. Is that how you would define yourself? It’s hard to be friends with someone who isn’t very clear.
There also do not seem to be enough opportunities for us to hang out. Furthermore, it seems like all the situations you are around are pretty serious.
I guess I’m also weary of hanging out with you because it implies a level of judgment. Like I’m judging if someone is worthy of you. It’s implying they did something wrong, yet I will gift them with your presence. Compassion and Kindness seem far less riddled with the problem of judging the other. They can be present without knowing the other’s circumstances.
I know, this is all pretty heavy talk, but isn’t that what you’re primarily used to?
I’d be happy to talk it out more with you. Maybe on the weekend, when you’re not at church?
Warmly,
Jackie
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