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This is a letter in my series where I write letters to the emotions that show up in my life.
Dear Trust,
How have you been doing? I heard you were invited to quite a few self-help conferences lately. Were they any fun?
I thought of you recently. I was thinking how when you and I hang out together, we’re normally not considering other people. I mean yes, I do invite Fear over when you hang out because I like to see if the two of you can strike some sort of compromise. However, the topic is usually related to me. To SELF-trust. About my growth. About my business. Things like that.
Does that sound right to you?
So here’s what I was thinking, what if we invited a person - like an actual human over to hang out with us. Remember when I invited my friend over for dinner and I cooked for her? It was the first time I had invited a friend over to cook for. You were there, and so was Nervous. But I thought it worked out really well.
I’d like more of that. I'd like you to be around more when I’m with others. I know, that’s something different for you and I, but I think it would be good. If you want, I can invite Discernment over the first couple of times too. That way we can make sure the person is safe for you. Would that make you more comfortable?
I know you’re a little hesitant due to our past experiences. It’s not like they have all been horrible or even bad, they just haven’t been very comfortable. Like when my friend called me weird or that other family member talked the entire dinnertime without asking me a single question.
Here’s the thing though. I don’t think they’re all like that. I think we’re generalizing a bit much. I think there are some people I’ve met recently that you would actually really like and be comfortable with.
I know, you may doubt that, but a lot has changed in the past year. Ever since learning I’m autistic, things have been starting to make more sense. I’ve been spending more time with Understanding and Discernment. Plus, you and I have really been working on our relationship on the last year. I feel like I am getting better at expressing myself and maintaining boundaries.
Plus, I’ve been slowly getting to know some people that I’d really like you to meet. I think it can be different from our past experiences.
Would you be willing to try? Lemme know and I’ll invite you over to something low-key. Like maybe a project or something - that always lowers the pressure. My friend is helping me study for an exam later this week, that might be a nice time for you to drop by and feel comfortable.
Hope you can make it. Either way, see you soon.
Warmly,
Jackie
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